im feeling songs.
i noticed earlier the number specificity that i had when the anxiety came along last time.
the last time i fell in love, which was dangerous because it wasnt with a person, it was with the idea of.. purpose of fulfillment of a moment and i almost did something very dangerous.
at least im weary of it this time.
it’s strange to experience emotion again - through songs. might sound strange coming from someone who considers themselves a musician, but i’ve had to keep it from scaring me again.
love’s not an easy thing for me. it’s dangerous to my health, especially upon it’s loss, or when i pair it with something else other than a person.
i miss having a muse. i miss having someone. i find myself thinking about how there’s really noone for me. there’s signs in the people who care for you. and well. there’s never any signs. i have become stale goods.
people find that i am good to be used, not to be had.